Since I started Quality Jernalisms back in October, it has received a steady stream of traffic from the various branches of Rupert Murdoch’s News Limited operation.
So, thinking that they obviously liked something about what I was doing with that blogue, when they advertised for a casual jernalismist in December, I jumped at the chance to leverage their liking of my work to gain paid employment.
Sadly, earlier today, I received this email from them:
It has been suggested that this indicates they were only advertising the position because of some requirement to do so by law. I think it was because they didn’t think I was good enough.
But I am not totally disheartened by this, because it now means that I get to share with you the, in my opinion, excellent cover letter that I wrote in the hope that I could become a fully proper jernalismist at a proper like media place.
Hello there.
My name is Matthew Hatton and I would love nothing more than to become a journalist at News.com.au. I feel that I would fit the role perfectly and that not having me on your staff would leave News Limited at a severe disadvantage in today’s ultra-competitive news market.
I am a self-starter, having started a class newspaper in primary school, written several websites throughout high school and, now, blog regularly at matthewhatton.id.au.
I have superb editorial skills and am dedicated to getting all the facts and pointing out when people are not telling the whole story. During 2012 I was the managing editor of Yak Magazine at the University of Newcastle. In that role, I lead a team of eight students and delivered eight issues of engaging, typo-free content. The magazine focussed on telling the stories of people at, and related to, the university as well as providing the student population with information about all the exciting things that happen in Newcastle so they would enjoy their time at the University just that little bit more.
I am a hobby photographer and have dabbled in video production over the past couple of years. In fact, one video I helped produce has been featured on the ABC Open Hunter website (https://open.abc.net.au/openregions/nsw-hunter-70MU6Ji/posts/a-portrait-of-the-artist-in-double-time-30cy7yy) and a photograph I took of a bushfire out the front of my house was featured in the ABC News Online story (http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-09-25/fire-crews-backburn-around-coastal-scrub-fire/4279066) about said fire.
Prior to becoming interesting in pursuing journalism as a career, I spent eight years working as a survey draftsman. This involved mainly designing housing subdivisions for clients with large amounts of money and small amounts of patience. As a result, I am now quite used to having tasks completed thoroughly and accurately within seemingly impossible deadlines.
My news judgement is superior. Since October 2012 I have
been demonstrating that through my Quality Jernalisms project (qualityjernalisms.tumblr.com). This project has been so successful in pointing out existing news judgment failures across the Australian media landscape that a number of News Limited employees frequently visit the site in order to be kept abreast of what is and is not considered news.
If you require some immediate examples, I know that stories featuring celebrities buying houses, kissing other celebrities, not kissing other celebrities, getting out of cars, going to clubs, altering their bodies, not wearing clothes, using Twitter, fighting, buying cars, eating food and/or going to the gym really isn’t “news” in the traditional sense.
I also know that when people make accusations about the competency or legitimacy of a federal member of parliament retaining their seat, it is usually considered irrelevant until evidence of some description (beyond their own feelings) is provided by the party making such an accusation.
That whole “Mayan Apocalypse” thing? I don’t think that was ever really news either.
I have no issues with working irregular hours. In fact, some of my best work to date has been completed at around 0300 on a Sunday, and this letter is being written at 1100 on a Wednesday. I am a bit weird like that.
Over my life I have participated in a number of team sports, had to work in teams at places of employment and during university studies. As a result I am more than capable of covering for the less than useful members of the group in order to make sure that quality of output is kept high and that output is delivered on time.
I am sure I would also “exceed standards of excellence” if it were not for how that entire phrase is a contradiction. You cannot have a “standard” of excellence. Excellence is to go beyond what is considered standard.
I am available to attend an interview at your earliest convenience. References from previous places of employment can also be provided, should you require them.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me on [PHONE NUMBER] or [REDACTED]@matthewhatton.id.au.
Regards,
Matthew Hatton
Actually, it probably was the legal thing, wasn’t it? Arseholes.
[HT to LMCC Councillor Chad Griffiths for pointing out I left my mobile phone number in the letter. Hope you all got screenshots of it so you can prank call me at obscure hours of the morning.]
I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that a poorly written cover letter that insults the employer and is at least 200 words too long, didn’t land you a job. But that’s evil MSM for you isn’t it?
I know, right? MSM sucks.
LOL loved this…Lee also enjoyed it…someone needs to snap you up quick ; )
Send it to Fairfax with a post it note saying, “2nd chance draw”